life is wonderful.

The school week has finally come to a close. Its Friday and 2:41PM. Work will be over sooner than I know it and my weekend will begin with uncertainty and spontaneity. I made it through another week, another day, another hour and I feel invincible.


At the end of the week I always find myself opening up to realize life's not so bad. I mean sure it has its ups and downs and its struggles- but it's beautiful. Life is wonderful. 


For the first time in many months, perhaps even years, my cousin and I had a conversation about God. He has been struggling a lot over the last two years with some personal and family issues. We all have. He started to lose his faith, started to walk a few steps ahead of God rather than just follow his footsteps but now hes back. I am so proud of him and his desire to serve the Lord again. He has always been one to keep pushing through till he just couldn't push any farther. But this time is different. He's pushing through without defeat. For a while now he hasn't heard the voice of God, he hasn't listened. Three weeks ago it became real for him again. Our prayers were answered. He felt the Holy Spirit anoint him and he left all of his pain and shortcomings at His feet.


I can not be more thankful to God for what he is doing in my cousins life. I stand in constant awe at his power and love. You may feel like he isn't there, like you are slipping and he doesn't exist- but listen. His small gentle voice is calling you, His graceful steps are guiding you, he is with you always holding you. Follow Him.


It is because of Him that I have recognized that life is wonderful. It is because of Him I will not give up. Not everything is perfect right now, but I know I will make it through. You know the more I think about it God is truly amazing. No matter where we are, no matter what we do He is always there. He'll never leave me.




Life is wonderful, after all.

"He'll never leave me

I know how much He loves me

He'll always stand beside me

Even when I fall

He'll be there to defend me

When I'm wrong forgive me

He'll never hold my past against me

But He'll be there when I call

I'll never be lonely

When the nights get long He'll hold me

He promised He'd be with me

And that's how I know....He will never leave me."

Behind the Scenes..

Music seems to be a prominent part of my life- especially Christian music. I was listening to Francesca Battistelli's album today (it's great you should check it out!), and her words are always so comforting to me.


A lot has been going on in my life that has thrown my family for a roller coaster ride we never prepared for. Were trusting in God to help us through it all, my parents are staying steadfast in prayer and in between me angry pleas to God I am too. No one has understood why I have been off lately or as my best friend put it "lost my sparkle in my eye." It is too detailed and personal to explain but the extent of it is putting such a heavy toll on me.


I have always felt like I had to be the bold one in my family, you know "the bigger person" or "the support." I try to brush my feelings aside until I break. Well, I am breaking. I am mentally, physically, and emotionally torn apart. But I am not, by any means, defeated. My faith, my friends, and my loved ones are here, I am here, and my faith is here. Even more so, God is here.


Anyway, I do a pretty decent job of covering it. I smile, I laugh, I keep living and when I do feel like I am going to lose it I walk away and disappear for a bit. I wish I didn't, but I do. The past few weeks have been the hardest weeks I have had to endure in a very long time. I'm not sure when this will all pass but whenever it's ready I will be thankful.

That's just it though. Thing's happen behind the scenes. The lyrics to that actual song say exacty that I feel right now, "I’m incomplete and I’m undone. But I suppose like everyone there’s so much more that’s going on -behind the scenes."


This blog is a prayer for myself and for others. This is my plea for understanding and strength amonsgt us all. I pray that we humble ourselves to others, that we not only listen but we act. I pray that God opens our eyes to realize "things aren't always what they seem" and that were only seeing parts of others. I pray that we come to accept that there is more than we could ever know behind the scenes. But more than this, more than anything I pray that we allow God to intercede and to mend us and restore us- to allow him to do the work behind the scenes. Because I know, He knows, we cant do it all on our own.

I am broken. I am torn. I have fallen down and stumled. I am hurting deeper than you will ever understand. I am not defeated, I have not crumbled,  but rather I am restored, I am healed, I am his.

Held.

Lately I have been struggling with my faith. Not exactly doubting Him, but wondering why some of the things in life occur. I have been raised to know that "there is a plan and purpose for everything under the sun. A time for life and a time for death." Sometimes, those reassuring words are not always enough for me. It's in these moments of sorrow that I have come to find my strength and even more so a deeper understanding of my faith.


I am not saying this is the same for everyone, but for me it is evident. I still question certain things that occur in my life and I am still longing for many uncertain answers but I wont stop believing that God is with me, holding me. Its in those very moments that I feel his ever comforting spirit that I know everything will be okay. I pray that each of you reading this will likewise feel his comforting spirit and be reassured that you will be okay. Even if you don't realize it right now he's holding you and awaiting your embrace.


Hope, undoubtedly, is born of suffering. That's the beauty of it all. Amongst such evident pain there is always beauty, always hope, always God. At least this is what I believe. And this, "this is what it means to be held. How it feels when the sacred is torn from your life and you survive. This is what it is to be loved and to know that the promise was when everything fell we'd be held." I wish I was wise enough to come up with those healing words but I wasn't. In fact they are the lyrics to a song that prompted this post, a song, that in my recent times of sorrow, has brought strength and comfort to me. The song is "Natalie Grant- Held," you should really check it out if you haven't heard it already.

I guess the purpose of this post is to remind myself, and even let you all know, that you will be okay. Those of you suffering because of the economy, those of you who lost someone dear to you, those of you who have failed, those of you who think you are not good enough, think you don't have a meaning to anyone or anything in life- you are beautiful, you are perfect, you are held. Hold strong to yourself, hold strong to your faith- whatever it may be- and you'll be okay. It's not my promise it's HIS.

"You're Wonderful"

"You're wonderful," is something I find myself saying to other people often. It seems to be my "thing".


Like today- I texted a "special friend" of mine just to wish him a blessed day and to tell him how wonderful he is as an individual. Sometimes just letting someone know you care about them, or just that someone cares about them is uplifting and empowering.


When I was younger I remember telling all my friends that they had to do something nice for at least one person a day. You know that whole "random act of kindness" thing. I guess you can say it was because of what my parents instilled in me as a child- compassion and thoughtfullness. Those simple childhood lessons have become such an evident part of my life now. Thanks mom and dad! You're wonderful!


So here I am taking what I have learned and paying it forward, in hopes that someone comes across this post and does the same...


Sometimes its so hard to find compassion or to give something whilst expecting nothing in return, in todays world especially. Even I am aware that I give into these shortcomings and often fail to open my eyes to the beauty thats before me.  Thankfully God had placed a High School professor in my life that taught me a thing or two about others. He constantly would remind us that "nobody has it all together, but together we have it all." Isn't that something? Do you ever find yourself burrowing in your own misery and "failures" as if you're the only one suffering? I know I do, still to this day. It takes a minute to step back and look at the bigger picture and realize you're not alone. I know it's easier said then done- but it's totally worth the try! Think about it! I mean really think about it. There is not one single person who literally has it all. Not everything is perfect or "all together." But when you take the time to open your eyes to the sorrows and imperfections, you know the things that make your different from everyone else you'll realize these very things are what make you the same. Literally, "nobody has it all together," but when you take that extra step and open your eyes to whats before you you'll find that "...together we have it all."


So tell someone just how much they mean to you, or mean to other people. Let someone know that they are important and tell them just how wonderful they really are. Even complete a random act of kindness for somebody else. Its amazing how refreshed you feel when you see someone else feel loved and embrace that kindness. Who knows, maybe you will change someones life; for the better...






P.S: I may not know you, I may never know you but I love you, God loves you (even if you dont believe in him just yet or maybe even ever), and you're wonderful.

Finally Here..

Finally I am here and boy does it feel great!

Since I arrived at college, way back in September, I have nagged myself to start a blog. This isn't by any means for the attention of others. But rather, for me. It is a way to share my thoughts, my strenghts, my weaknesses, and more importantly my faith. And maybe,just maybe along the way, I can help someone come to find what I have found- I am free... and so are you.