A lot has been going on in my life that has thrown my family for a roller coaster ride we never prepared for. Were trusting in God to help us through it all, my parents are staying steadfast in prayer and in between me angry pleas to God I am too. No one has understood why I have been off lately or as my best friend put it "lost my sparkle in my eye." It is too detailed and personal to explain but the extent of it is putting such a heavy toll on me.
I have always felt like I had to be the bold one in my family, you know "the bigger person" or "the support." I try to brush my feelings aside until I break. Well, I am breaking. I am mentally, physically, and emotionally torn apart. But I am not, by any means, defeated. My faith, my friends, and my loved ones are here, I am here, and my faith is here. Even more so, God is here.
Anyway, I do a pretty decent job of covering it. I smile, I laugh, I keep living and when I do feel like I am going to lose it I walk away and disappear for a bit. I wish I didn't, but I do. The past few weeks have been the hardest weeks I have had to endure in a very long time. I'm not sure when this will all pass but whenever it's ready I will be thankful.
That's just it though. Thing's happen behind the scenes. The lyrics to that actual song say exacty that I feel right now, "I’m incomplete and I’m undone. But I suppose like everyone there’s so much more that’s going on -behind the scenes."
This blog is a prayer for myself and for others. This is my plea for understanding and strength amonsgt us all. I pray that we humble ourselves to others, that we not only listen but we act. I pray that God opens our eyes to realize "things aren't always what they seem" and that were only seeing parts of others. I pray that we come to accept that there is more than we could ever know behind the scenes. But more than this, more than anything I pray that we allow God to intercede and to mend us and restore us- to allow him to do the work behind the scenes. Because I know, He knows, we cant do it all on our own.
I am broken. I am torn. I have fallen down and stumled. I am hurting deeper than you will ever understand. I am not defeated, I have not crumbled, but rather I am restored, I am healed, I am his.
This blog is a prayer for myself and for others. This is my plea for understanding and strength amonsgt us all. I pray that we humble ourselves to others, that we not only listen but we act. I pray that God opens our eyes to realize "things aren't always what they seem" and that were only seeing parts of others. I pray that we come to accept that there is more than we could ever know behind the scenes. But more than this, more than anything I pray that we allow God to intercede and to mend us and restore us- to allow him to do the work behind the scenes. Because I know, He knows, we cant do it all on our own.
I am broken. I am torn. I have fallen down and stumled. I am hurting deeper than you will ever understand. I am not defeated, I have not crumbled, but rather I am restored, I am healed, I am his.
